I'm not my Best friend's Best Friend. =(

I'm here for take out my emotions,Actually I'm not willing to update this blog anymore.But I realized that this is the only way that I can say,What I'm truly thinking in my mind. Without ant comment.Just simply vent my bad moods, bad feeling, bad emotions.Sometimes I wonder why I'm letting those who do so little for me,control so much of my feeling, emotions and mood.Of course I'm not counting that I need those people do much more than I do, It just because I care.You know, those people who have been there for you for years.The people who you used to spend every day with,and told everything to. But now it falls apart.Why? Distance,New relationships, Priorities.And how could I ever care about someone who doesn't realize how hurtful it is?It hurts to see my Bestie throw away our friendship like this! It makes me angry that she doesn’t care about me,like I thought she did, and it makes wonder if she ever really did. I'm not Jealous, I'm just tired of being second place. No matters how, I'm always in the second place.Behind of them, behind of Cat and AL. Why. Why I have to born in this Family? and growth up with broken hearts.I never told Pauline, and never told anyone before.I am not important to anyone yet I'm always thinking about others.Whenever I hold conversations with people,I always feel so stupid and awkward, I never feel like I am saying the right things.I feel so worthless most times.I am putting so much efforts but I feel like I'm getting no results anywhere in my life. I Don't belong anywhere, don't belong to my Friends, Parents and Family. I am always Alone. It is the reason why I keep working and busy for my society and Clubs. I'm trying to lie myself, although I know I wouldn't make it. WHERE ARE YOU MY FRIENDS? WHERE ARE YOU MY DAD AND MOM? WHERE ARE YOU PAULINE YEOH? WHERE ARE YOU MY GOD? I need all of you right now.